I'm a Letterman fan. That dates me. His quirky sense of humor and herky-jerky interviewing style connected with me, long ago, maybe starting in college. So I overlooked his game growing soft in recent years for nostalgia's sake.
But there's no overlooking that awful LeBron James interview Tuesday night. When Letterman said after the interview, "I'm no damn good," I really think it was in a fit of complete honesty for what played out. Let's roll the tape ....
LeBron enters, smiling, to a standing ovation.
“I haven’t had a standing ovation in my life,†Letterman says.
Good self-effacing line. Good start.
“Now that you got out of the system, you ready to go back to Cleveland and play some ball?†Letterman asks.
Hey, a good playful jab, putting that subject on the table with a chuckle. And I'm all for some uncomfortable topics met with humor. In yesterday's blog, I said the Top 10 List should be, "The Top Ten Lines LeBron James Doesn't Have to Hear Anymore." (No. 8: He has his phone on vibrate. No rings.")
But then you see that's about all Letterman has to his game.
“You don’t care, do you?" he says. "I just thought the opportunity was there. By god, I’m going to stick it out in Cleveland and lift that city."
LeBron tries to play along.
“I heard all that from you,'' he said. "And I thought we were friends. This is my first time on with you , David.â€
Applause.
“You must’ve got tired of punks like me wising off,†Letterman says
OK, that's a B-plus start. Pretty good depending on what's coming. But Letterman then asked the cliche championship question that I guess had to be asked: "This championship changes many things in your life, doesn’t it?" (A better question would have been: What's the single biggest change you expect in your life with a championship?")
“Absolutely,'' LeBron said. "I went from being ringless on Wednesday night to having a ring on Thursday night."
And then it went south. Deep south. Letterman went back to the only subject that seemed to interest him - or maybe he even knew about, as things played out.
"Also, I think after leaving Cleveland, a lot of people were rooting against you and therefore rooting against your new team. I think that’s changed now, don’t you?â€
“It’s changed some,'' LeBron said. "And the best thing about it is we were able to come together as a team in the last two years …"
“Had some injuries in the middle of the playoffs,†Letterman said.
Viewer reaction: Who cares? Ask something relevant to a late-night talk show - "How did your talent play on South Beach the last few nights of celebrating?"
LeBron gave the sports answer to the sports question.
"A big part of our team, Chris Bosh, got hurt in Game 1 of the second round and we didn’t know if we’d have him the rest of the playoffs,'' he said. "But guys stepped up and gave him an opportunity to get healthy and he was able to get back.â€
“Now here’s another Cleveland question," Letterman said.
Oh, god, again?
"There’s no way to know this, but what would it have felt if you still were in Cleveland and won the championship there â€" would it have been better or would this one be better?â€
“I think the feeling I had on Thursday, I could have been on Mars and won that championshp and felt amazing," LeBron said, again playing along. "It was better than what I expected.â€
“It’s transcendent,'' Letterman said. "Because like I say the force was against you and a friend of mine was telling me no one loves a winner more than basketball fans and you certainly are the big winner.â€
“I appreciate that,†LeBron said.
Yep, Letterman is screwing up what should be the easiest interview of all time - a top celebrity with a sense of humor who is in a great mood and at the height of his success. LeBron tried. Give him that. And he kept trying to have some fun.
Letterman: “When you win this for you and your teammates, it was more than … It was a psychological boost. What do you do?
LeBron: “What you don’t do is sleep. You don’t sleep. And on the plane ride up here I was able to get a couple hours but you get a couple of hours. Miami is the slowest city we have in America, you guys know that, right?"
There was a small window when it looked like the interview could be salvaged. Not because of Letterman. Because of some props. There were a few pictures, starting with the one of LeBron with the bridge and groom that saw him at the Ritz in Coconut Grove and asked to have pictures taken with him.
“One thing in common, all three of us will have rings,†LeBron said.
Then a picture of LeBron cramping up in Game 4 against Oklahoma City. What was the problem?
LeBron: “I guess not enough water."
Letterman: "It was a bad moment, right?"
LeBron: “Awful moment. At that point in time I didn’t know if I could go back in the game. We were up 2-1 in the series looking to go up 3-1.â€
“Look at the guy with the mop. He’s doing nothing.â€
That was a moment to chuckle over. - the kid holding the mop on the court just watching LeBron being carried off. It might even have been the highlight of the entire, uncomfortable interview. Unfortunately, Letterman asked the next question and it just kept going south.
“Is this your first Olympic team?â€
“This is my third, actually,†LeBron said.
Oh, really?
And: “It always seems like there’s no possibilty anybody in the Olympics can beat the American basketball team,'' Letterman said."Am I right about that? Is it a given or is it not a given?â€
LeBron answered about how basketball is expanding across the world. He was too nice to say, "What planet you living on, Dave? I was in Athens in '04 when we got our butts kicked across the Peloponnesian Peninsula."
And the insipid questions kept coming from Letterman:
“How long have you been playing in the NBA now, since you were 19?
“You’re on target to win multiple championships?â€
“You know who was on the show not long ago, Larry Bird and Magic Johnson?â€
“And now you’re going off the Olympics, putting the pressure on yourself again, do you get any time off before the next season?â€
“Now that the New Jersey Jets have moved to Brooklyn, what does it do to you and your teammates.â€
“Jets?†LeBron said.
“Nets,'' Letterman said, obviously from the producer in his earset. "What does it do to you and your teammates?
“It does absolutely nothing to me and my teammates,†LeBron said.
What else would he say?
Finally, to finish (thankfully) the mess Letterman made, he brought the championship trophy out from behind his desk. Then he concluded a line that about sums up the entire night:
“Here it is - we got the thing.†he said.
The thing.
Yep, nothing like getting that prize - the thing.
So when Letterman came on after a commercial break, mentioned the LeBron interview and said, "I'm no damn good," I think he was just being honest for the bit of TV he just committed.
Joe Murphy/NBAE/Getty ImagesAfter winning his eighth title, and second with the Heat, how much does Pat Riley have left in him?
Check out Part I of Michael Wallace's interview with Pat Riley at Heat Index. 
Cleveland Cavaliers: Like this team?
